The holidays are a joyous time of year. But for many of us, the season is loaded with pressure. I’ve narrowed it down to the big three:

Money, Dating, and Family

Here are a few tips on how to deal with the pressures of the season and truly enjoy the wonder of Christmas:

Make a gift list and card list
Make a budget and stick to it
Act of Kindness
Keep Your Dating Life to Yourself
Don’t Pressure Your Boyfriend to Propose
Time Limits for Family Visits
Travel Buffer to Maintain Your Peace

Money is a major stressor …

…for most people all year long, but when Christmas rolls around the stress can get amped up pretty quickly. In a society that values consumerism so highly, the season of giving has morphed into the season of ‘buying more stuff.’

People feel pressure to buy gifts for everyone and usually end up strapping themselves so tightly that their budgets suffer for the next few months. Many even begin the New Year with a healthy dose of holiday debt. To avoid spreading yourself too thin this year, here are three easy and seemingly common-sense ideas:

Make a gift list – write down everyone you want to include this year, then go back over the list and put a star next to the “have-to, have-to” get a gift, and then the rest of the people, write a nice card. Or you could even do a nice deed for them that costs nothing. And believe me, most people won’t notice if you didn’t get them a gift this year and even if they do, they probably won’t say anything. And if you’re friends with the kind of people who will, then it’s time for a new crowd.
Do a nice deed – Kindness costs nothing. If you can do something nice for someone in place of purchasing a gift, the thought will go further and your relationship will be better for it. Plus it’s the bargain price of “free-ninety-nine.”
Make a budget – this is so common sense yet, year after year people neglect to build this into their budget. It’s a yearly expense, so why not allocate a certain dollar amount for it. Make sure to include all holiday-related expenses such as food, gifts, and décor. And then, most importantly, stick to it!!

Whether you’re single or dating…

… the holidays is loaded with pressure from family, friends and even advertisers. Single folks are berated with the same old questions of “why are you still single? What happened to what’s his name from last year? When are you getting married? You’re not getting any younger.”

And if you’re seeing someone, you get the fun of dealing with the decision of bringing your special someone home to meet your family or meeting his for the first time. Or maybe you’re putting on a thick layer of pressure for your boyfriend to propose this year. My advice is simple. You do NOT have to discuss your romantic relationship with anyone. Your dating life is none of anyone’s business.

When met with questions, simply say, “I’m happy where I’m at; how are things going for you in that department?” This puts the focus on them and you can move on with the conversation. Also, ladies ease up on the guys. Proposing is a big deal any time of year. It will NEVER work in your favor to demand him to do it on your timeline or during a high-pressure time like the holidays.

Family is wonderful…

… especially during the holiday season. We get to reconnect with loved ones we haven’t seen in a while and spend extra time with the people we cherish every day. It’s also the perfect time of year to get stressed out with all the craziness of a dysfunctional family member or two. Going home to see relatives can prove particularly stressful if your family is the main source of trauma in your life.

Growing up in a broken home, this has definitely been the case for me. If you have even one relative in your family with an abusive streak or an addiction, then you too know the pain it can bring to go home for the holidays. Not everyone is so lucky to have a “normally” functioning family.

Some of us face our abusers at the Christmas dinner table or have to deal with an overzealous racist or even a drunk uncle or junkie cousin. You shouldn’t have to miss out on family gatherings because of one screwed up person, but this is a real choice for some of us. My advice to you is this – boundaries. Set a time limit for your family visit. If your family is anything close to mine, you may max out at an hour or so. That’s okay.

Set boundaries.

One strategy that has saved my peace, year after year is creating a travel buffer. Anytime I travel back home (not just for the holidays), I always spend the first few days in town with close friends and my sorority sisters. They are the family I have created to supplement my own. They bring me joy and help booster my soul in preparation for my visit with my relatives.

When I do make it town to see my family, I definitely follow my own advice and keep a time limit. Then on the last few days of my trip, I add that buffer again by spending time with my friends and sorority sisters so that I can replenish my soul after being with my family – they can be pretty draining.

Now I love my family, but anyone can understand that sometimes, they can be an energy-suck. That’s why these two pieces of advice have been life-savers for me and I highly recommend you try them on your next visit home.

Take a deep breath and enjoy.

Whether you’re feeling stressed this holiday season about money, dating, family or all three, take a deep breath and try some of the tips mentioned:

Make a gift list and card list
Make a budget and stick to it
Act of Kindness
Keep Your Dating Life to Yourself
Don’t Pressure Your Boyfriend to Propose
Time Limits for Family Visits
Travel Buffer to Maintain Your Peace

You can enjoy the holidays and maintain your sanity by putting a simple strategy in place. Remember, this season is about joy and peace. Money isn’t everything, dating is fun and family is everything. Even if all three drive you a little nuts from time to time. Stay true to your Truthatude this season. Happy Holidays!

How to Handle Holiday Stress - The Big Three: Money, Dating & Family