You just broke up. Now what? You’re feeling every emotion: sadness, anger and confusion. Did you make the right decision? Will you find someone else? Will you ever feel that way again? Are you going to be alone forever?

One feeling you may not be too keen on is freedom. 

Girl, you just broke the chains of another bad relationship. You may not feel like celebrating but shake it off! And for Pete’s sake, do not go rushing into relationships right now. You just got your freedom back! You can literally do and be whatever the hell you want. 

Just think, you can go to any movie you want; you can pick the restaurant. Every. Single. Time.

Yes, being single can be lonely. But it doesn’t have to be. You can choose to embrace the unparalleled freedom that comes with singlehood. You have no one to answer to but yourself. How liberating is that?

Why Being Single Is Important

Maybe you’ve been single for what feels like forever and you’ve been on a million dates. You spend all your time and energy on finding “the one” and you’re exhausted. Dating is a major energy suck!

But I ask you, how much time have you spent on learning to love yourself first?

Be honest. Did you jump out of one relationship only to download Tinder at warp speed and begin the search for your next boo? Did you really take the time you needed to heal? To enjoy just being a solo?

By rushing into rebound relationships, you’re actually robbing yourself of the opportunity to heal from the breakup and get to know the amazing YOU that you are.

Listen, I’ve been single for a hot minute now, and I can’t even tell you how many of my coupled friends are constantly telling me how they envy my single life and how they wish they would have made better use of their single days.

I know, it sounds ridiculous right now, but stay with me!

Whether you’ve just broken up or you’ve been single for a long time, it’s easy to go into the valley of despair and loneliness and forget how to be single or how exciting this chapter of your life can be.

We’re swirling in a place of loss and can’t really see what we can gain now that our life has so much open space. We forget how much freedom there is in singlehood.

I challenge you to explore the possibilities with me. What are the benefits of being single? What are the perks of solo life?

How to Move on From a Breakup

Moving on from a relationship does not mean getting back to dating right away! Truly recovering from a breakup takes time, compassion, and soul-searching.

It might sound like hard work, but it’ll be well worth it in the end.

Lean Into the Hurt

I get it—no one wants to wallow in feelings of pain and loneliness, but before we can go down that road, we must face the feelings we’re having in the present. It’s critical to heal from the pain and lean into the emotions before we take another step forward.

Use your early days of singlehood to heal from the previous relationship and give yourself permission to grieve if you need to. Journal about your feelings. Take evening walks. Or simply binge watch your favorite show over a pint of ice cream. There’s no wrong way to grieve!

Practice Self-Care

I encourage you to explore healing and self-care – whatever that looks like for you. Maybe it’s a weekly date with yourself to get your nails done. Maybe it’s a kickboxing class. Maybe it’s counseling and working on your mental health. Whatever self-care means to you, take the time to explore different methods of healing.

If self-care is a foreign concept to you, now is the perfect time to start implementing some new rituals. You are the only you that you get!

Learn from Your Relationship

Once you’ve done some healing and self-care, make time—deliberate time—for reflection. What worked in your last relationship? What didn’t? What things could you have done better? 

Look for patterns in your most recent breakup and your relationship history. Are you dating the same type of person? Are you allowing the same patterns of behavior into your life?

For me, I recognized that I was habitually dating unavailable men—unavailable in their time, emotions, and lifestyle. Once I recognized the pattern, I was able to steer clear and make sure I was only dating men who were ready to date and available to invest in me.

How were you responsible in the relationship and the breakup? How did you show up in your relationship? What happened to cause the breakup, and will it be repeated in the future?

Knowing what went well and what didn’t is critical to finding closure, especially if you won’t get it from the other person. Sometimes, we must create our own closure.

Fall Back in Love with Your Life

After some much needed healing and reflection, it’s time for the fun stuff - self-discovery and exploration!

The beauty of being single is that you are free to do whatever the hell you want without the consideration of anyone else’s feelings, interests or schedules! So, what can you do now that you have all this free time in your life?

I call this the Recover/Discover Process!

Do you remember what you were like before the relationship began? Spend some time remembering her. What did you love about her? Are you any better than that now? Can you bring back that girl from way back when? 

Your new singlehood is the perfect opportunity to be unapologetically selfish. You get to do you, boo!

Just think, you only have to worry about what you want to do, how you feel and what you think in any given situation. No more arguing over what to do, where to go, who to see, or where to eat. You can make every decision without taking anyone but yourself into consideration.

You want to get a pixie cut or dye your hair pink? Go for it! You want to take that trip over the weekend? Pack your shit and go!

Rediscover Yourself as a Single Person

This is the time you have the freedom to grow, experiment and recover who you were before you were a duo!

Revisit old hobbies you used to enjoy. Mend some old relationships that you may have put on the back burner while you were dating. Dive back into previous interests and activities you once loved. 

Even better, now’s your chance to explore and discover the best version of you. Explore new ideas and activities. Challenge your existing perspectives. Join new groups and make some new friends to expand your circle.

Be a better friend! Shore up and nurture other existing relationships, friendships and professional contacts.

Reactivating your spirit is what singlehood is all about. This is your time to cultivate your best self for you and your next relationship. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. You should always be number one in your life—the leading lady of your show. 

I will say again and again “you are the only YOU that you get!” Love the hell out of her! 

Use this time to define your values and your standards and implement them into your daily life. Build your character. Start living your values like they actually matter to you.

Once you are congruent in your values and your actions, finding a solid partner in your next relationship becomes a piece of cake.

Oh, and eat some damn cake!

Getting ready to date again

Instead of jumping into another wrong relationship, do the work and get really fucking clear on who you are. Be her everyday. Become comfortable with who you are in every way. Develop your goals as a person and the goals for your next relationship. What do you want it to look like? 

Before you start sizing up the next one, make damn sure that you measure up! Doing the work allows you to become clear on the type of person you want to be with and also the type of person you want to be in a relationship. How do you want to show up for your next lover? What will you accept and not accept?

Use this time to ask yourself the hard questions: Who was I before this relationship? How did it change me? Who am I now? Who do I want to be in life? And in love?

Who do I want to be for me and who do I want to be for others?

Embrace the Freedom of Being Single

When you embrace the freedom in your singlehood and use it as a period of dedicated growth, you'll easily and naturally attract quality people into your life that could lead to your next beautiful relationship. At the same time, you will repel the players, fuckboys, and fair-weather friends. 

When you're single, you learn to fully understand freedom and certainty. And when you get into the right relationship, you’ll realize you still feel just as free and just as certain.

Singlehood is the perfect time to rediscover who you are and explore who you want to be. Take this time to heal from your previous relationships, reflect on the lessons you learned and develop into the person you want to bring to your next relationship. 

Revisit old hobbies and interests and explore new ones. Reignite your sense of wonder and curiosity. Mend other broken relationships and cultivate new ones. It's easy to jump into another wrong relationship if you don't take the much-needed time out after a breakup.

Love Yourself Before Looking for Love Again

Lean into the flood of emotions that happen when you leave a relationship. Feel them, heal from them and emerge as a better version of you. 

Discover who you are alone. Love her. Bring her to your next relationship.

Embrace your newfound freedom and enjoy singlehood! Welcome to the single ladies’ club!

Trust me, you’re going to love it here!

Join the Truthatude Tribe and subscribe to the monthly newsletter below!